I'm a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for 3 days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous and godlike piano playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw...